A few things I fear because of autism; that really have nothing to do with autism.
A few things I fear because of autism; that really have nothing to do with autism.
1. I worry that my daughter will remember me as always stressed, crying or tired. When we have a hard day, I know I’m quick to snap at her. I pray that I can remember that the years are passing quickly and I need to find ways to force myself to crawl out of the dark spots and live in a way that I can experience joy even if there is sometimes pain and sadness, too.
2. For the past 10+ years my daughter has gone to school and grown up with friends that know her brother has autism. Those friends have been understanding, inclusive and downright amazing with him. Now that she just started high school, and is meeting and making new friends, I hope and pray that she never feels too embarrassed or ashamed about her brother. I know she is probably always worrying what quirky things he might do if she invites them over. Most importantly, when they do have an opportunity to meet him, I hope she never feels judged afterwards or excluded because he is a little different. I know society tells us to “fit in” and if you don’t… you tend to be the odd man out.
3. I hope that I don’t feel alone when surrounded by tons of people. I know that sounds weird – but sometimes those “busy” times are the ones that make me realize how “noisy” life is and I can for a few moments understand what Eric endures each and every day with sensory assault; and so I find myself trying to put a protective bubble around him and move away from the chaos. I find myself glaring at children who are shrieking with glee on a ride in the seat behind us because I know that must be like razor blades to Eric’s ears. Some days it seems like it would be safer and easier to decide to stay home; but I think about my brave little Eric and how he continues to venture out to busy places like amusement parks and aquariums; and I remind myself that he is capable of anything.
I continue to fight my fears every day….thanks to my two amazing kids.
–Mrs. Bacon