How I learned to be ok with changing “plans”

blog posts, Mrs. Bacon 0

—by Mrs. Bacon
All of my life I’ve been a “planner.”

  • I still have the 3 ring binder that I used to plan our wedding and can tell you exactly how much we paid for our honeymoon and videographer by glancing at the FINANCE tab.
  • I would mail out cards for every special occasion so that they would arrive right on time.
  • And I feel an enormous sense of satisfaction by crossing things off of a good to-do list.
So autism threw off my planning a little……….  well maybe more than a little 😉
  • I’ve been late paying bills
  • I am lucky if I remember to email someone on the same date (or day after) a special day to send my good wishes
  • And I am lucky if I can plan who is supposed to pick up each kid after school at least 1 day in advance.
It has taken me years to learn to relax a bit and give up on some of the fantasies I had about family life:
  1. I planned to be extremely festive and decorate for every holiday and have the kids sit around the table making hand-made keepsakes; instead I am thankful for whenever inspiration strikes that allows us to maybe color an Easter egg or two – after 5 or 6 are cracked all over the place before boiling them.
  2. I planned to be the ever-involved PTA mom that would be able to contribute to the enriched learning environment for all the kids; instead I have become extremely thankful for the mom’s that can do this and amazingly find a way to squeeze valuable minutes out of their day volunteering their time.  I’m even more grateful when those mom’s find ways to include the special needs classes in activities too.
  3. I planned to have the house where all of the kid’s and their friends hang out; instead I’m sure my daughter second guesses whether or not she should invite anyone over for fear of her brother streaking naked around the house while they are here; and unfortunately at the age of 11, Eric still doesn’t seem to have any interest in making or hanging out with “friends.” 
Besides a few of these preconceived, yet unrealistic, thoughts about motherhood, I have a lot of other things that STILL are right “on plan.”
  1. I revel and celebrate every accomplishment that my children achieve.  Whether it’s an academic award or amazing gymnastics score for my daughter, or my son using some new language, asking a question in perfect context or coming out of school with a smiley face colored in on his behavior chart.
  2. I have an amazing husband to share in all of these parenting moments.   I count my lucky stars.
  3. I love my kids more than I ever thought possible.  I experience a range of emotions each day that includes joy to sadness, to happiness to anger, to excitement and pride, to exhaustion and stress, to hope and never-ending heart pumping love.
Ironically, the one thing that helps my son stay on track is writing out his own plan!  it usually involves a 22 step list of what is going to happen over the next day or so….and I am super proud that some days when we need to adjust the plan, he has learned to be better at ‘rolling with it’…..and coming up with a NEW PLAN.   I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all…..  Our plans will continue to evolve and change, and the only way my son will learn how to adapt and adjust is to see others do the same thing.  So, I’ve learned it’s ok to let go of most plans and just wing it most days!