Called Out by my 14 year old
So… I like to think I’m a very optimistic person. Look for the silver lining. Make lemonade out of lemons. Dance in the rain…. you get the idea. But recently, my daughter pointed out how I had been focusing on the negative. If you missed it, “Sister Bacon” (aka Anna) did a “facebook live” interview (this past Sunday in case you want to scroll back and watch it). She blew me away with her confidence, articulation and perfect amount of humor she injected as she answered questions with ease — but that is subject for a separate future blog. Anyway, after the broadcast was over, she watched the entire thing again. I was sitting next to her and after every question I asked in the beginning [from a list I made myself just to get discussion started before the audience started submitting questions], she would say “there you go being negative again.”
Hhmmph? Me? Negative? Nah it couldn’t be. But as I listened I thought…. wow she is right. A few days later, I watched the broadcast again and it had a new perspective for me as I listened. Verdict: I was guilty as charged. I loved how she called us out on always talking so negative about our spring break Cruise vacation we took in 2015. She is right – there were 3 pretty good days on the first half of the cruise where Eric was in his glory marching all over the ship – especially to the pools – and had the greatest stash of bacon every morning at breakfast. The Autism on the Seas personnel and perks were very helpful – and I wish we used them more right away when we got on the ship and got Eric into the habit of maybe hanging with them and doing some activities for a few hours every day. I think it would have made for a very different experience. But just to set the record straight….
There were many things to smile about on that cruise:
- We could have been at work instead of floating in paradise
- I loved seeing my kids sleep on the pull out couch/bed together and fight over the covers
- Anna got to ride the flow rider, fly in an air chamber, and swing on a trapeze
- We had an impromptu family ride in the bumper cars – -I was literally still in my pajamas – but it was so much fun and Eric loved it (after initially not wanting to try it)
- We went on a boat excursion looking for Dolphins and manatees and got to see several and Eric got very excited.
- We were shown great kindness by our cabin neighbors after a particularly LOUD meltdown; their kindness seriously mad me sob tears of relief from not feeling judged as a parent.
- We met some wonderful families and made some lasting friendships and connections that week.
We created memories. Yes some of them are painful memories from that trip, but our “story” is made up of the good, bad and ugly experiences we all go through on this journey of life.
As I listened to the interview questions, I heard myself asking about “hard times” and “things you can’t do” and stuff like that. To be fair I feel I also asked about the ‘best’ memory and more positive things too, but it was very eye opening to me that my 14 year old zoned in on the negative aspects. It made me reflect and wonder if I do that more often than I think. After Eric was diagnosed, I did cry all the time. It was fear of the unknown and uncertainty for the future. I certainly still cry every so often – my husband knows that sometimes I just have to let it out – like a lid on a teapot – to be able to get it out and move on from whatever emotional moment I was having. It’s just in my genetics (thanks mom) — but I always said “I don’t want my daughter to look back at her childhood and remember a mom that was always crying, sad, and depressed; and I certainly don’t want her to say that I was always focusing on the negative aspects surrounding autism and how it’s affected our family.
Our time on this earth is brief and I want to spend it enjoying and loving my family. Not worrying about the ‘what if’s’ and ‘what should have been.’ We must make a conscious effort to use each day to fill our hearts with happiness and hope. Make time for yourself. Make time for everyone that is important in your life.
Sometimes the road is bumpy…. and sometimes it’s very uphill, but sometimes you just gotta hold on and enjoy the ride and let your 14 year old lead the way……
–Mrs. Bacon
