My kids are not “victims”
http://ideas.time.com/2012/11/30/autisms-invisible-victims-the-siblings/
Dear Time,
Look, I don’t want to be the word police. I think there is too much of that going around these days. But language does matter. The words we choose to describe our kids set a tone. Regardless of how you feel about the causes of Autism, labeling them and their siblings “victims” sets the wrong tone. “Victim” connotes a wounded, helpless individual to be pitied. I will have none of that for my son. And I certainly will not allow his neurotypical older sister to accept the notion that she is a “victim.”
Both of my kids are strong, capable and courageous people. Over my dead body will they be treated like “victims”.
Amen Dad, Amen
Yeah, growing up with 100% attention devoted to the defective kid is great. Being punched, kicked, spat at, have feces smeared all over the place, better than a pizza party. Becoming a caretaker before you start secondary school is what every kid dreams of. Knowing that you will be stuck with the responsibility of taking care of a toddler in an adult body when your parents die, joy. Nope, not victims at all.
Anon, I hope for your sibling's sake that your parents place someone else as his/her guardian and that you find a way to let go of the bitterness and hostility.
I wrote a similar piece-all three of my children have autism and none of them are invisible or visible victims. They are each others' best friends and allies.
I understand your bitterness and anger. Your feelings are valid. But they are not healthy. I pray you somehow find your way to let them go. Please let me know if you need anything. -Jerry
Anonymous,
It is not my job, nor anyone else's job, to judge you. I won't pretend to know what a day in your life is like or if the level of responsibility you carry is fair or unfair. What I do know if that being a caretaker can be stressful, even on adults, so I can only imagine that it must be all the more difficult on someone who is young. I am sorry if it has been a tough road for you. I genuinely am. My hope for you is that you find a way to balance doing what you need to keep yourself well and healthy with the great responsibility you have been given. Above all, know that people really do care. That anger you carry is going to cause you so much pain, and life gives out enough of that…try not to add any more to your plate. Hoping that you get hooked up with the resources you need to start you on the path to healing. Prayers are with you~!!!!
Heather
I recently discovered your blog. Although my son has not been diagnosed autistic, so many things you write strike a chord with us. I just wanted to say thank you for writing. It is an encouragement to this momma.
Kris in Nebraska