A reflection of 20 years together: marriage, kids, autism

I love traditions.  I knew I wanted to take an annual anniversary picture with our wedding candle to capture that moment in time.  I tried hard every year to get the perfect picture.   I wasn’t always successful, but as I look back on these pictures they tell an amazing story. 

I’ve tried to describe below, in a very brief way, what thoughts were probably going through our minds on each of these anniversaries!

Our wedding day:  We are married!  Can’t wait to see what our future holds.  May it be filled with lots of smiles and a love that lasts forever

 

Year 1:  We made it through the first year of adjusting to living with each other – and our dogs haven’t killed each other yet!  Surprise! Let’s go on a spontaneous trip to celebrate.  

Year 2:  It’s been so nice to make the house into our home.  I love coming home to you every day and sharing our future dreams.  And the dogs still haven’t killed each other.

Year 3:  Wow – what a year…. our dogs gained a sibling.  Welcome to the world precious Anna.  You made us feel love like never before.

Year 4:  We are getting comfortable with this parenting thing.  Our daughter is a joy and so easy going.  We have one less dog – after he tried to bite Anna when she started to learn to crawl!

Year 5:  What an exciting 5th anniversary.  A special trip was taken to celebrate this milestone filled with memories to cherish forever.   On this anniversary day, we learned we were expecting another child!  Wow… we are filled with gratitude and joy!

Year 6:  We are now a family of 4…. Our hearts and hands are filled with love. 

Year 7:  We are really getting into the thick of parenting now….  omg two kids are a handful – and wow maybe we really aren’t as skilled at parenting as we thought we were!   I guess that’s to be expected as our baby ventures into the terrible 2’s…

Year 8:  We are earning our parenting stripes this year for sure.  Boy is Eric giving us a run for our money.  He needs our eyes on him every single minute.  He is a runner, and still doesn’t have much language yet we are suspecting some kind of delay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Year 9: What an unexpected turn our lives took this year.  Our baby boy receives an autism diagnosis.  In many ways, we are still in denial and consumed with worry about what that means for our future.  We shed many tears this year.   

Year 10:  We don’t recognize our ‘old’ life.  This new one is filled with evaluations, and therapists and assessments.  We learned a lot about new alphabet soup:  IEP’s, ABA, BCBA, SLP, OT, ASD.  With the love and support from family, we were still able to escape for a special anniversary trip to celebrate another milestone. 

Year 11:  Life is a busy swirl of appointments and chaos.  All attempts to plan anything in advance has gone out the window.  I’m sure we lit our anniversary candle like I always do, but there may have been a meltdown today, or just a heaviness in the house, that didn’t allow us to take our traditional picture.   Most days we are wearing fake smiles and convincing ourselves that everything will be OK.

Year 12: Is it our anniversary again already?  Wow the years are flying by…. things are still super hard learning about all things autism.   Trying to remember to find the balance between both the neuro-typical world with our daughter and the world within the spectrum has given us many sleepless nights, and lots of grey hair.  We are so blessed to have family support that allows us to escape for get-aways when we need them.   Without them, I believe our family would have crumbled a long time ago.   We are proof that having a village can keep your family strong.

Year 13: “Someday many years from now, we’ll look back on this crazy time in our life together and wonder how we did it all….. and then, those ordinary everyday moments that we often take for granted will shimmer like stars”…. we unknowingly purchased identical anniversary cards for each other this year.  The subtext reads:  We are starting to really learn and focus on what matters in life.   We also came to the realization that we are in this life for the long haul and for 10 years we have focused on nothing but the kids and their needs – and we need to take care of ourselves so that we can remain healthy, happy and in love.

Year 14: We had an amazing whirlwind year that included many firsts.  We focused on our health, and were in the best shape of our lives; and enjoyed participating in triathlons together.  We had a chance to travel to Europe together and celebrated our anniversary in the air as we flew overnight to our destination.  We are eternally grateful to our family for making it possible to escape on this extra special getaway.

Year 15:  We are feeling like we are starting to have our feet under us again.  Life isn’t perfect.  It’s messy, it’s chaotic, it’s challenging, it’s triumphant…..it’s going to be OK!  Anna has grown into a beautiful young lady, who is an amazing sister and some days is the only person holding it all together for our family!

Year 16:  The wisdom of our years – and experiences we have had so far have made us who we are.  Embracing autism as part of our everyday lives has opened up opportunities for our family and allowed us to create relationships and friendships with so many awesome people.   From teachers and aides, therapists and doctors, and most especially bacon bits near and far we have amassed a village that compares to no other.   We celebrate and cry with our village and we learned to let go and not sweat the small stuff.   Life is passing you by — don’t be a spectator – – don’t hide under the covers – – get out there and find the joy all around you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Year 17:  We continue to feel blessed (and tired).  I can’t help but always see the exhaustion in our eyes.  But every day we get up and do the best that we can.   This ship isn’t going to steer itself – we need to make time for each other.  We need to make time for each of our kids.  We need to look for the silver lining in every small moment – even if it’s contained within a meltdown.

Year 18:  The years seem to pass so quickly now.  How did our kids grow up so fast?  Our daughter is practically a woman already and has more compassion, poise, and empathy than any other 15-year old I ever met.  But if I knew then, what I know now — I would have enjoyed the past 10 years more and worried and cried less.   Eric has progressed and accomplished so many things we never thought possible.  We still continue to see gains in language – and social interactions.   We will never stop hoping that we can have a real conversation with our son. 

Year 19:  Funny that I look back and think about the unpredictability of our life.  Starting out as a young married couple – and being married to a K9 officer, we never could predict when the phone would ring next.   We would become very efficient over the years at telling restaurant staff “could you actually wrap that order TO GO”…first it was because of a K9 call, but eventually it was because Eric wouldn’t be able to make it through a meal in a restaurant.  But as the police career transitioned into a more steady schedule, so did our family life.   

Year 20: Wow.  In the blink of an eye, we are celebrating 20 years together.  I feel so thankful to still be holding hands with you every night. I love our life together.

I cannot wait to see where the next 20 years will take us! The best is yet to come xo