Hope. Pass it on…

Today is 12 years since our son was diagnosed with autism. 12 years…… Basically, I pretty much can’t remember life before. It has consumed so much of my life and led me on an unexpected journey. I found an email that I had sent to a friend just a few days after he was diagnosed:

It is human nature that we look to those who have walked this path before us.

• We want to:
  • be reassured that progress will happen.
  • believe that we will be able to have a conversation with our son.
  • see that there will be more happy tears than sad.
  • not be afraid of the future.

So it made me smile when I looked back at this early email exchange on this new area of expertise I was about to have: all things autism.

“You truly made me feel so much better.  I have a completely more optimistic attitude now…and that is all because of the reassurance and hope for such good progression that you gave me.  We had an exciting moment last night.  We were out at dinner …and without any prompting in the middle of dinner..he looked right at me (and I could see his little brain trying to work…) and then he said “I want car.”  I had to stop myself from crying – but this time they were happy tears.  That was such a wonderful moment.  And even this morning, he’s been so wonderful – and he actually played with his sister (looked at her, looked at me, laughed with her, hugged, kissed her, they chased each other – and he kept looking back at her to make sure she was coming after him)  it was probably the best moment I’ve had in a Looooong time!” 

Over the years, I have now been on the other side of these emails. And I want to believe that I have been able to pass along the same bit of optimism and hope.

Recently, our family was out to dinner and our son surprised us again by saying, “Excuse me Lisa can I have pepperoni pizza please?” It was a reason to celebrate for many reasons! He remembered and USED the waitress’s name. (He has been known to say “Lady” or “Man”….that always comes out a bit awkwardly). And it was appropriately timed, and perfectly formed sentence.

As is with human nature though, we always want more. I still am hoping or praying for that reciprocal conversation that will allow me to crawl inside his brain a little bit more and understand his thoughts and feelings on a different level. I believe it will happen. He has been showing great strides in language development over recent months. I remember feeling like I was racing against a clock when he was younger. I believed (and was told), that if language was going to develop, it would happen by a certain age. My son has certainly disproved this theory, as he continues to grow and explode his vocabulary and ability to communicate more complex thoughts.

So, I will keep hoping it will continue year after year.

And I will keep trying to pass that hope onto others who are just starting on their autism journey.