It’s Really Not That Complicated…
It’s really not that complicated…
-I have moments of frustration, anger and self-pity.
I have moments of joy, pride and celebration.
-I mourn the loss of my carefully-mapped-out life.
I celebrate the inner strength and voice I have found as I navigate my new life.
-I’m sad that my son can not (yet) fully communicate complex thoughts and emotions.I’m awe-struck by his pure, perfect simplicity.
-I wish my daughter did not have to be burdened with the challenges of a family raising a special-needs child.
I love the maturity, strength, love and generosity she has developed.
-It cuts me to the bone when my wife has moments of sadness and pain.
I feel so lucky to have found such a wonderfully caring partner to share my life.
-I feel angry at society’s ignorance and cruelty.
I am inspired by society’s compassion and understanding.
-I don’t like Autism very much.
I have uncovered a depth of love I never new possible thanks to Autism.
You see? It’s simple.
It is simple in an oxymoronic kind of way. I wrote a very similar piece 5 years ago when the Autism diagnosis hit us in the face and we were tossed into the wonderful world of "we don't know ~ we need to wait and see" It is so interesting how ASD families can have such a love-hate relationship with Autism. It both tears us down and builds us up at the same time. Keep up the journey ~ the rewards are great!!
I HATE How AUTISM…
I hate how autism has robbed my child of the
wonderful experience of seeing a new movie and has in its place made seeing the same movie over and over and over a necessity for a calm day until I want to throw the
movie out the window BUT I love Jamesie and I live with his desire for the familiar!
I hate how autism has turned the beauty of my
child’s first two word phrase painful because he says it over and over and over again all afternoon in different voices and volumes until I want to tell him to just SHUT UP! BUT I love Jamesie and I secretly rejoice in his new found game that is slowly driving me insane!
I hate how autism has made playing with my
child a miserable experience because the toys are not used they are thrown, dumped or broken BUT I love Jamesie and I try everyday to make the multitude of fun toys more than a game of toss that hurts as toys are hurled up into the air and rain down on my head!
I hate how autism has turned a lovely family
dinner into a battle to get my child to try something other than pizza crust, chow mien noodles and juice BUT I love Jamesie and I serve the foods he will eat so that he will have the energy to learn and grow!
I hate how autism has taken my daughter’s
dreams of a wonderful sibling relationship and turned it into a combat sport, in which she gets injured by his violent hugs, BUT I love my children and I allow them to relish in the joys of having siblings!
I hate how autism has turned my dreams for my
sons’ future into a big question mark with unknowns around every corner BUT I love Jamesie and I face the unknowns with new found energy and help him find the way to live a productive and full life!
I hate how every time someone finds out my
beautiful child has autism they get a sad look on their face and say, “I'm so sorry” BUT I'm not sorry because I love Jamesie so much that I allow others to know about his challenges as we show everyone how amazing a child with autism truly is!
What a beautiful post! I relate in so many ways. I am sure many can.
~ Lisa
I can so relate as my oldest is on the Spectrum and my two girls are not.
Thanks Lisa for putting this post on your FB feed!
Love this! I feel the same way. There are mixed emotions, and probably always will be. And that's okay!